My 3 best friends
I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND THIS
penny, please escort him to the door.
i know of a place where you never get harmed
One day we walked into a sweet shop, and John bought some chocolate. He said, “would you like half?” I said, “Wow, you’re willing to share your chocolate with me?” What a dude! The things that stay most in my memory are the smallest things, the ordinary things.”-Paul McCartney
(via missbeatlegeorge)
teachers who call on students who obviously don’t know the answer are the biggest dicks in the world because they’re flat out humiliating the kid in front of all their peers
(via paulisglamorous)
WE AT THE HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN pitbull - hotel room service
How do you remember your URL?
got it tramp stamped tatted on ur mom so everytime i fuk her i refresh my memory
(Source: vaspim2k13, via pleasecornetobrazil)
can you imagine if twitter existed in the 1800s
abe lincoln tweeting shit like “wow this play sucks just shoot me”
too soon
HE WAS SHOT IN 1865
(via andsixcarswerearrested)
don’t ever take me on a date to an aquarium because i will ignore you and spend the whole time looking at the fish
But, if you think about it, that’s all the more reason to go. The person you’re dating gets to sit back and watch you smile and have fun. All the while, he/she’s falling deeper in love with you.
thatS REALLY CUTE IM GONNA CRY
(Source: fefarielle, via laughcentre)
| tourist: | could you give us directions to Olive Garden? |
| new yorker: | no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol |
| tourist: | oh you think you're clever??? |
| new yorker: | what |
| tourist: | i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness |
| new yorker: | oh... oh i'm so sor |
| tourist: | no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself |
| the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole |
